Sunday, December 27, 2009
17:45
yang membaca, jangan menyangka. jangan berkata, jika tidak tahu.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
23:36
today i listened to a song by anya marina. i wasnt supposed to know the words, but as i stared out of the car's window passing trees & trees & trees perfectly aligned & spaced, i filled up the words myself. they healed me, my heartbeat in perfect time. i felt like a child again -- imagining my life, my future in a time where existence wasnt just static & predictable. it is like watching a tree grow, frame by frame in stop-still frame animation where every split second represents years of struggle, growth & life.
i am not one who is able to judge, nor do i have the right to; but it is hard to pretend that i know naught, & allow myself to be sinned by others' wrongdoings. i dont wish to wear these shoes that i cant fit.
Ya ALLAH, jauhkanlah diri ini dari perbuatan yang sia-sia & tidak memanfaatkan. amin.
la hawla walaquwwata illa billahil ‘aliyyil ‘adzim.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
21:37
i miss the smell of acrylic paint, & the gripping of a brush.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
21:16
had a long convo with shuryani -- sometimes i really admire the really positive people who never sigh their life away despite what they have to go through.
i keep telling myself to push on because i want it to be over soon; for time to fly by, & for august to be here faster than i know it. it is hard, you know. someday, anytime soon, she will break down. i am she, not i anymore because i dont want to believe that this misery person is me. it is hard being strong, but insyaALLAH i will pull through it.
"Allah tidak akan membebani seseorang itu melainkan sesuai dengan kesanggupannya." (Al-Baqarah: 286)
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
22:29
i just feel like sitting down somewhere lovely, with some warm sun & wind blowing; sitting down & thinking of the people who cares for me, & thinking about how good life can be sometimes.
22:11
when we were little, life worked perfectly. no matter what happened, everything turned out alright in the end; scraped knees, cancelled play dates, dropped ice cream cones -- we would cry for a short time, but by the end of the day, everything would be alright. now as we have grown older, we lost faith as we stumble through each day, crying over broken hearts, lost friendships, & lost dreams. it seems like life & perfection have turned their backs on us, but really it is just that part & parcel of growing up.
when we were younger, we didnt pay attention to such details about our daily lives, but now we are just more aware, & these little details seem to be amplifying our pain. being ignorant, we tend to forget that life was almost/equally as hard then; but we held on to the faith in perfection because we could look past faults. so dont lose the faith, learn to know that each day will pass, each heartache will be mended, & everything will be perfect in the end.
the most beautiful encounters are like those with handkerchiefs; they wipe away your sweat when you are tired, & your tears when you are sad.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
23:34
i could hear my head pound, or was it my heart? it doesnt matter now. perhaps it wasnt the sound that bothered me, it was how the sound felt.
come to think of it, they werent separate entities; the pounding in my head & the beating of my heart -- they were equal.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
23:59
i am craving for a visit to the library.
23:56
it is one of those nights, when i am practically overwhelmed by thoughts -- a brain full of them. it makes me so tired that i could probably sleep for three days three nights.
on the brightside, ibuyah are home. :)
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