why am i not comfortable about the past? i cant tell what exactly i dont want to remember. some people, maybe. or something that had happened. maybe both. a good friend was thinking of a get-together. a so-called reunion for our graduating batch. and i dont think i like the idea. i dont think i want to come. certainly not.

why? people change. and i have seen it… through the years. i have seen those people from my childhood. those people i used to like... admire... fancy. some, i even trust. but they are not the same people i want to see there and meet. i have no idea how it is going to be like. and i dont like what is slurring into my mind. the questions. uncertainties. doubts. it’s not good. but i’m still thinking about it... but i really dont wanna go. but i'm still thinking.

i’m bored...

just bored...

i feel like nothing is really happening to my frigging existence. i know my friends are always there. they can always go out with me and watch movies. or spend the whole night chatting. harking back to the times when we were still forced to go to class and enjoy the rest of the day hanging around the school and sit around at the canteen and stuff... benefit from the freedom we used to have.

how i wished i never have to sit for my O LEVELS... how i just wish i could skip that part of life... the exams... the chair, table, papers, pen and those invigilators staring at you as though they were snickering away looking at how stupid you look like having to sit for exams they no longer have to face... darn it, i never thought this is going to be really hard. not the questions... but the situation i'm in... my parents and their hope... for my future... why do i feel so small? why do i always have to compare myself with others? i always hated the idea but i'm doing it right now... seeing the tight competition... having a cousin sitting the same paper as me... if she does better, how do i face my parents? my relatives? her?

i feel like a nobody. no stand for my own future. no grip for anything. how i wish life is easy...

i want to go to NAFA. i love ART. i love putting all my ideas to life and let the whole world know it through the use of technology. but now, I dunno what happened to me. my parents dont seem to like the idea of having me going to an ART SCHOOL. i just dont want to study anymore. doing ART & DESIGN need my creativity and skills... not formulas that i doubt i will ever need in future... if you say that being in art school costs money, allow me to work... permit me to do what i want... face all the ups and downs just to pursue something i want. not struggle to do something which i know i dont have any interest in plus i doubt i can survive doing it. please... how i wish life is easy...

how i wish life is easy...