I feel blind
From time to time
And I can't stop...
Feeling for my next breath
Another thought...
Will I be alive to be 20?
Or will I die young
A victim to self-tormenting
The wrong time and place circumstance
Just another fling for life to boast
Knowing I have purpose
I see my life through the fog
If it would only get lighter
But the sun is gone
She turned her stars away too
Just like the back of a friend
The side you never saw of him
And maybe I screwed up
Certainly I count the weight
The strain I assisted in
Expecting more and getting less
It's something more infuriating
Getting used to what I have to
God mend this torn up brokenness
I sleep tonight
Not guaranteed anything
Oh how wonderful it is
To look forward to nothing
.::.
It's often said, you live and you learn. But I'm not so sure. The monotony of your day-to-day experience usually supersedes the fun and exciting things you typically look forward to. And now, as I took it upon myself to infringe against this unconditional rule, I will be up late reading my library books because I put it off until now. Neat...
.::.
*sigh*
.::.
My head hurts,
My body aches,
The pain reaches deep from my soul,
Thoughts wrap in circles,
Blinding confusion,
Drowning in fear.
.::.
I am lost,
And at the same time here,
Is that possible?
Confusion and misery are all I find,
Who can I turn to for answers?
Is anyone out there?
I must solve these puzzles in my head,
If I can't, who will?
They can help me,
Yet who are they?
They are the only people I can turn to,
I can run to them in time of despair.
They help me through the bad times,
Help me enjoy the good.
They could be named,
However at the same time not.
They are a part of me,
But a part of their own too.
When I'm in pain, they helped me.
Hope they still can help me now.
Solve the puzzle of pain.
Hope that they won't let me down.
Unlike all the others,
They are mine, all mine.
My friends, the voices.
.::.
Maybe the world would be a better place,
if I was not here,
I could vanish without a trace.
No one would care, everyone would be happy.
If I went away, no reason left to feel crappy.
Why should I stay, I am only a burden.
If I go away, I'll take down this curtain
that was hiding my pain and sorrow all this while.
It would be better for all, if I could disappear.
Out would go the call, that the coast was clear.
Yes I do believe, the world would be a better place.
If no one could guess, I solved the case.
.::.
I am not sure anymore,
I am not sure about us.
Will out relationship grow?
Or will it fade with rust?
I am not sure of feelings.
Of mine or yours,
I wish I could talk to you,
To figure out the score.
I am not sure if you will come back,
Or that anything will be the same.
I wish I could see the future,
Cause life now seems tame.
I am not sure I can continue,
Life seems so dim.
I hope you understand,
I'm simply confused.
Give me time... to think.
It's not easy,
Believe me.
.::.
Mind wandering,
Daydreaming,
Soft thoughts,
Great love,
Overwhelming satisfaction,
Internal peace,
Flooding dreams,
Thought filling emotions,
Flittering anticipation,
Passing glances,
Brushing hands,
Cascading eyes,
Shifting hopes,
Wishful thinking.
.::.
Sighing, groaning, weeping,
Distressed thoughts,
Hopeless reasoning,
Intense hatred hopes for relief,
Seeking for answers to questions,
Remaining unanswerable.