...this is how my movie begins...
...
the credits floating in the pools, written on the licence plates, on billboards, lighting up in neon over the bars. i am in the helicopter dressed in my utmost best looking attire ever, with thick eyeliners, adding the gothic touch in me, pointing out the shots to the cameraman.
...
this is how my movie begins...
but not my life.
...
my life started almost seventeen years ago in a hospital named Kandang Kerbau. there were no cameras at the event, no sign above the hospital announcing the opening of THE LIFE OF NURUL AIN. maybe there should have been. who knows, if i got famous, i told myself, it could be the very valuable to have all that on film.
...
my life seemed so much real on screen than real life. it has so much drama in it, including some musicals.
...
ambition.
...
fatal flaw or life-saving energy channel?
...
that might save me from suicidal thoughts, if i ever have them. without my dreams of grandeur - delusions, maybe, but it didnt matter - without them i might perished long ago. without my movie fantasies, i might have been another statistic of teenage suicide at thirteen. that was before i changed to be the current me. cutting up my arms with hearts until the blood filled the sink and my corpse was left behind like a felled grafitti-stricken tree. the wildness of my imagination that lead me to lay them out on the canvas which i handed to the MOE for my GCE O LEVELS ART & DESIGN examination. so if my ambition had saved me before, i figured i would turn to it again. that was the only thing that was real for me.
...
dying. praying. bleeding. screaming.
my suicide.
