...will be heading to SPANS.JOM at six pm.
need to report there by seven.
then we'll be heading to PERAK at eight pm.
...
sometimes eu just want to stop the clock,
and keep things just as they are for ever,
like the film where they went over and over and over
the same weekend time after time.
... i just want some parts of my life to go on happening forever.
...
feel so tired and depressed.
my Mumsies kept saying, 'do stop mooching about, ain'.
... in her own way lerr.
... and Kak Yan is in one of her irritating manic moods.
... and all i want to do is sit and watch rubbish movies on telly and barf.
of course i know bout bulimia,
and yes it's a bad thing.
... but surely, if eu controlled being sick -
and didnt throw up more than once a day or so, it couldnt hurt.
could it?
dont worry, my dearie readers, i'm not going to try it!
...
i think, i'm a bit scared actually, but i'm happy today.
i think.
well, sometimes i get this sudden fear of being out of place.
especially when i'm not in my own country.
a 'feel' as though... as though i DONT WANT to be there.
a sudden discomfort.
i just wanna head back home.
even though the place i'm heading claimed to be 'heaven-ic' by others.
hopefully that wont happen tonight.
...
i had a dream last night.
i dreamt that i saw another someone,
who has the same shoulder length hair as me.
the same cute bum.
the same adorable cheeks.
the same 'innocent-looking' eyes.
her hair falls over her face, and then she raised it.
she lifted up her face and waved in the air.
as she did, she looked me straight in the eyes, and smiled at me.
the studs in her lip and the bruises were so dominant.
her face was hard and pale.
her eyes were cold.
i knew her face well.
i see it in the mirror every day of my life.
and now i know what i havent known before.
she hates me.
she wants me dead.
when i woke up, i felt as though i've been punched in my gut.
it hurts... hell.
...
how do i love thee? let me count the ways...
i love thee with the passion put to use
in my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
i love thee with a love i seemed to lose
with my lost sanity...
