"cinta, tegarkan hati ku
tak mahu sesuatu merenggut engkau
naluriku berkata, tak ingin terulang lagi
kehilangan cinta, hati bagai raga tak bernyawa..."
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i guess its true that i'd rather write nothing then to consciously write something for the sake of doing so, and that explains why this space has been just lyrics for a while. maybe i just love to express myself thru songs. yet, i dont get angry at everything that lies along my path. once in a while, i think, "maybe if i could write a little bit of my week, even if nobody wants to know about it." and then i turned back (literally "clicked" back on the browser) cause that'd be totally crap, doing something that i know has no meaning. yet as i pen this down, i just thought of updating some of you about what's going on in my life right now, cos i pretty much kept mum about this...
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... but gee, no matter how much i want to express. i doubt anyone would understand. feeling stagnant, left alone, deprived, and what have you. i hate those cliches, "i know how you feel", "it's ok, i've been through that.", "you're not alone"... whatevs.
maybe i care too much.
too much...
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"i tear my heart open, i sew myself shut
my weakness is that i care too much
and my scars remind me that the past is real
i tear my heart open just to feel..."
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i missed having petty arguments.
i missed being stood up.
i missed having rejected calls.
i missed feeling insecure.
i missed crying because of unreasonable stuff.
i missed all the waiting.
i missed getting hurt.
being alone reminded me that all those bad moments can be missed all the same.
i missed being missed.
i missed being hugged.
i missed getting sweet whispers.
i missed the anticipation of looking forward for the next meet up.
i missed the giggles during late night chats.
i missed having someone beside me in the train.
i missed the 'holding hands' moment.
i missed the grips.
i missed having someone saying the words that i cant say.
i hate having to cry alone.
i hate having to be the 'aunt agony', Doc love...
i want to be the ones seeking for problem solvings myself.
i want to know that under the same sky, i have somone who's thinking of me too.
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