i am one who spent my whole life waiting for catastrophic, cataclysmic to struck. i am one who is always on a lookout for calamity. i am one who always kept an ear open for tragedy's timely rat-a-tat-tat on the door. when anything pleasant happened to me, i would be happy in that moment & perhaps for a while after, but way off, in the back of my head, i would always be secretly thinking, soon it will be all over. in short, i had mistrusted agreeable events; viewing them with suspicion, cause nothing good come easy. to me, nice things are all well & good but it inevitably, it come with a hefty price tag.

not that i am a miserable person, but it was just that i did not assume that good things would happen to me; to other people, yes, but not me. of course, good & bad things occurred all the time but i, always felt more comfortable when the bad things came along, as if they were my good friends i had waited ages to see. i nurtured this characteristic because, above all, it made me feel safe. it was just one of my things.

i saw myself as being someone sensible, but my friends see me as a tad neurotic.