i want to understand everything. not just the big obvious parts; but everything. the explicit details - the grimy, dirty, grit of life; the smaller & smallest things. the hidden details are what i am after. that moment in between digging my fingers into my skin & stung by the icy cold feel, as my words walk on ruin. that moment in between the atrocious sin of denial & sudden clarity.

contentment is a feeling, you say? or is it an absence of feel? i liken it to that particular numbness one gets after a visit to the dentist. not in pain nor out of it, slightly drugged. howev, contentment is the positive side of resignation. it has its appeal but it is no good wearing an overcoat & furry slippers & heavy gloves when what the body really wants is to be naked.