i feel obliged to fill up this empty space the way i used to - churning words by the hundreds, some speak of feelings too raw, others are mere incoherent thoughts strung together furiously in the dark of the night where my only company is my irrationale thoughts which more often than not drives me to my own undoing.

today, there is nothing left to be said. saying things doesnt change anything & honestly, i have no motivation to make any changes. obviously, something is lacking but i do not know what, & till i do, i will go on & on with the what-could-have-beens.

will i ever grow out of this phase?

is it even a phase one can grow out of?

financial status is crap.

i want to shop, to go for a mani & a pedi, & i want someone to massage my back, & sheesh! i want to sleep. i want to read, yes, i want to read. deep down, i am a true blue geek.

i told fattasha, i missed the time when i was preparing for the O levels. i truly enjoyed myself though it wasnt easy. it had been donkey years, sheesh!

i miss those people, yeah those people. hurhur! them.

this is fluff & the chances of my words turning into reality is really, really slim but there is no harm in dreaming that one day, i would live by the seaside as a full-blown hippie.

i know it will come off sounding bratty or ungrateful but really - why does it seem that everytime i really wish & yearn & hope for something, it doesnt happen to me?