i actually think i am happiest when i am on it. it gives me the motivation i need to submerge myself deep into the issues; constantly circulating my ever asphyxiating brain - time to perfect my constant mistakes.
no matter how stomach turning & painful, being on it has the biggest self-improvement pay-off. however, it is not long until i am eaten alive - from the inside out.
but what else should i expect? i am always the cynic, always...
& maybe the last thing i need is to be on it to figure myself & this wayward world out & into a language & group of pictures i can understand, because the way i understand things separate me from the rest of the human race.
well, i dont think in order.
perhaps later, i will curl around myself, with my knees up to my chest, & wait for the boyf to call, or maybe read a little french; soothing crazy-rock music in my mp3 & sexy baby sister sleeping beside me.
maybe i can maintain my imagination, & maybe then i will feel better.