2008 rolled by so fast & it is coming to an end; it is like watching strands of colour pass you by, full speed ahead & you are left standing trying to hold on to what you can.

if you could ask me to describe 2008 in one word, i will tell you to get real; because i am queen of word vomit. lol.

well actually i believe, it is all about - loss, losing grip of: love, trust, faith, people, hope, security, certainty, myself even - maybe.

i think 2008 stole so many things away from me, but people say things go away because better ones are supposed to replace them all. insyaALLAH.

what i do know is that i dont want to wish for anything in 2009 because it leads to expectations & desires; & what if they are not fulfilled? i am so tired of losing, i dont want to lose hope or faith or anyone, or anything that died/left along the way in 2008.

i am just praying for that things will go well in my final semester, & whatever that may happen in between my graduation from temasek poly to my admission in nie will be a blessed one.

what did i gain from 2008? experience, dipped my toes in unknowing pools, filtering le faux comrades & keeping the real ones tight; a shot at something precious.

would i want to change anything? i dont think so. i dont know what would be the outcome if i altered a day.

am i contented right now? pretty much, for i have the ones i need. :P

talking to the two bestfriends the other night about relationships - hers, his & mine, made me realise that no one is the same.

i want a direct trip straight to this picture in my head; no more deviations, no more pitfalls, no more crossroads, no more roundabouts, but who said life was that easy right?

i dont really know what i want, i lost certainty. it feels like i am still stuck in this adolescent suspension, swimming about doodads, arching high enough to get a gasp of air before i plunge in again into this infinite abyss.

so, let us just take this new year... a day at a time. :)

& i thank ALLAH, for letting me live long enough to celebrate this new year again, together with my loved ones.

P.S.: salam Ma'al Hijrah 1430.