"you shouldnt complain about yourself," wani said.

however, she knows that i am willing to give up so much just to see more of my collarbone; as physically abusive that may sound. just dont tell me that i look fine, & dont tell me that i am on the verge of self-destruction.

i am only wishing, hoping, & trying; longing & dangling.

at the same time, i dont want to welcome anyone into this private sphere; this safe cocoon.

like when you envision this particular scenario; play & replay it just as so that when that moment comes, it would be perfect.

maybe, i am setting myself up for another potential letdown but hey, i have got nothing to lose. until that day comes, i will keep this secret hope intact & store it somewhere safe.