today i listened to a song by anya marina. i wasnt supposed to know the words, but as i stared out of the car's window passing trees & trees & trees perfectly aligned & spaced, i filled up the words myself. they healed me, my heartbeat in perfect time. i felt like a child again -- imagining my life, my future in a time where existence wasnt just static & predictable. it is like watching a tree grow, frame by frame in stop-still frame animation where every split second represents years of struggle, growth & life.

i am not one who is able to judge, nor do i have the right to; but it is hard to pretend that i know naught, & allow myself to be sinned by others' wrongdoings. i dont wish to wear these shoes that i cant fit.

Ya ALLAH, jauhkanlah diri ini dari perbuatan yang sia-sia & tidak memanfaatkan. amin.